Diary of a Sex-Starved Pseudo-Mennonite, Part 3
The sex with Freddy was not overtly life changing at start, but long, perplexing, and overwhelming. The orgasm slow to arrive, complex, thought-provoking. My puppy was in the bed. Freddy was the first guy to come over since I have been single and had a puppy. She is huge for a puppy and demands attention and frankly wanted to be involved. Daisy and I are enmeshed. I should have shut her out of the bedroom. It did not occur to me as an option because we are together essentially always and after over 6 months now living as a unit, it's basically her bed as much as mine.
But this is how smooth Freddy is. A, he didn’t make an unintended threesome with a ginormous attention-seeking puppy a dealbreaker. How enlightened! And B, after we had been at it for probably half an hour, I notice Freddy’s right arm is outstretched and he has been stealthily managing my dog’s puppy bites with one arm while expertly fucking me with the rest of his limbs. I am a poor multitasker. This won me over.
Freddy told me he had slept with many people. He claimed not to have counted but I asked a few questions and he agreed when I decided to call it 65. Now awed by his apparently effortless dog management during coitus, I was thinking 650. 6500? I mean, Freddy was so masterful it seemed plausible this was not the first time he fucked a woman well and tamed her wild dog in the same bed at the same time. If it was the first occasion for him, I thought he was even cooler. I mean I’m crazy. He should have made the dog a dealbreaker. But he didn’t. Maybe he was just that horny.
After my impressive O, and his, it seemed like he was putting on some cool and trying to regain his unbothered, playah vibe. Freddy said, “Whelp, that was PRETTY good,” in a really funny voice straining with calculated vulnerability and understatement. As with our first kiss, I said, “I can do better.” He agreed to cuddle a bit, though it seemed out of his comfort zone. He told me his middle and last name. We shared one of them in common, which seemed proof of our destined union. Freddy tried to jet then stayed again on the couch. We talked about Marvin Gaye (I pretended to know less than I did--old habits die hard), he absorbed my jab at Tammi Terrell and we kissed and I took 1 hand in mine and massaged his fingers 1 at a time. We kissed and kissed and kissed then he managed to leave.
When Freddy failed to acknowledge, let alone initiate plans for the Tuesday date he deemed so urgent Sunday evening before he had fucked me, I grew cynical. When he sorta kinda indefinitely postponed our Tuesday evening date after I was stood up for my Tuesday afternoon date with a guy who actually went by the name Freddy, I grew dark and weary. The following day, when I drove 40 minutes to a neighboring state for a third first online date and got stood up yet again (I knew better than to trust a man from LA, but I showed up anyway), I grew stubbornly ambitious and called my Thursday morning fourth first online date who also lived in said neighboring state to see if he wanted to meet today because after all, I was already here. He said yes, but it would have taken him too long to arrive before I would have been out of my puppy window. Daisy needed to pee and have her dinner. So we just kept our date set for Thursday morning. Cy promised to show.
But then Cy kept texting me. Much in the manner Freddy texted me after our first date. Urgent. Sexy. Full of intrigue and desire. Only 5 days into my online dating odyssey, male I-need-to-fuck-you patterns of communication were emerging. These lines kept coming my way, regardless of who was on the other end of the message:
“I love your brain. Your brain is so sexy.”
“You have a great smile,” then they ask for a tit pic.
“I love your eyes,” then they ask for a tit pic.
After a series of detailed questions about my breasts, I confess to 1 or 2 that I’m actually known for my ass. This is followed by disgruntled confusion and:
“I didn’t see any ass pics in your profile...???”
“Stacked in the back”…😆💜
ReplyDeleteI know you know what that's about.
DeleteIt's in here twice cuz we double-stacked.❤❤
ReplyDelete